As a Celebrant, I encourage people to use music to help establish a mood and set an overall tone for any celebration or life tribute they are planning. The right choice of music can open people's heart and help them be present to the moment. Often I get asked, where do I begin?  To start, what is the overall tone you wish to set? Is it intimate? fun? serious? joyous?  You may even find that you want to start out with one mood and end with a different one.  Once you have a clear sense of this, think about all your favorite music.  If you are planning a tribute or remembrance, think about the person you are honoring, did they have favorite music?  If not start listening.  The web is a great source of possibilities.  Visit musicians websites, they usually have great samplers!  If you google "ceremony musicians" you will have a wonderful selection to choose from. Or you can always begin by visiting my dear friend Carol's site.

One consideration for you:  if you are not using live music, you will want to think about people's ability to sit through songs or music when there is no other activity going on.  For instance, it might be perfect in a memorial service to play a recorded cello piece during a moment of reflection or honoring.  Playing a recorded song that is 3 minutes long in a Wedding Ceremony, (unless people get up and dance!) probably will have some people squirming.  While 3 minutes may not seem long, it really is for your guests!  The important part of this is to have fun and enjoy the selecting process.  If you are working with a DJ, or musician friends they will also be able to help a great deal.  

This is the time of year as a wedding officiant and celebrant, I begin sitting with people who are planning their weddings for next year.   While some couples I speak to have hired some of their vendors, I find that many have not yet located the right photographer, DJ, or Day of Wedding Coordinator.  In these cases, I offer personal referrals to professionals I have worked with that I believe are tops in their field.  My criteria is their professionalism, their ability to listen to the individual needs of my couples, their ability to proactively work with other vendors, and their knowledge of what it takes, down to the smallest detail, of making sure the ceremony and wedding celebration is smooth and seamless.  Referrals from someone you trust is a good way to ensure that you are getting the right person for your special day.  If your officiant does not have referrals that they would for their own day, if they don't "rave" about whose card or name they are giving you, keep looking.  The preliminary leg work will pay off on your big day!

As a wedding officiant and celebrant I often have couples who wish to have a private and meaningful wedding ceremony ask me to work with them to create their their special day.  Sometimes they bring 2 or 3 people, but often it is just the couple. Tuesday, I had the privilege of marrying Victoria & Va'Shawn, who traveled from Texas to become legally married in our Commonwealth.  With all the rain we have had, I was concerned we would need to move the ceremony inside, but timing was perfect, we had moments of sun and clear sky for their ceremony.  The ceremony was held in my garden alcove, and was custom designed and written for them as they combined their lives as friends, partners, co-parents and spouses for life. 
Congratulations Victoria & Va'Shawn!
(photo courtesy of Shooting Star Photography)

As a wedding officiant and celebrant, I travel across
Massachusetts and New England to various wedding sites.  I have my favorites to be sure, but now at the top of my list is the lovely Tower Hill Botanical Garden in Boylston, Massachusetts, where I had the privilege of co-creating and officiating at the wedding of Cyrus and Sara on June 13.  Their wedding was held in this lovely "Secret Garden", with a cocktail hour held on the terrace off the "Great Hall" followed by dinner in the "Orangie".  The setting, customer service and the overall "feel" of this day was incredible!  If you are considering a venue for any celebration, don't miss visiting Tower Hill Botanical Gardens, open year round.  Pictures of the actual ceremony will be coming soon so check back. 

A friend of mine who is also a wedding officiant and celebrant, sent me a fun article the other day from the New York Times.  As we share a love and passion for creating and officiating at wedding celebrations, she thought I might like to know that the ceremony was in fact the guests favorite part.   I loved receiving this, because truth be told, it is mine as well.  The wedding ceremony if created with intention, care and love is something your wedding guest will remember and speak about for a long time.  The least favorite?  The receiving line! 

As a Wedding Officiant and Celebrant who customizes ceremonies, I am always learning from my couples about the small ways that meaning can be brought to the ceremony.  I have the honor of officiating at the upcoming wedding of Michelle and Jeff.  When we first sat down and spoke, they told me they were making their wedding rings.  Normally when people say this to me I find that they are designing them, and have an artisan who crafts them.  Michelle and Jeff however are not only designing them, but physically making their own!  A wedding ring is a token and reminder on the hands that you work, play and caress with, of the vows you speak and commitment to companion each other in this life.  The act of crafting each others rings brings special meaning to the rings,the exchange of rings, and honoring your marriage as you continue to grow in your life together.  If you are interested check out The Wedding Ring Workshop.  They are located in several countries and have local venues.  I so look forward to creating a special ceremony with particular attention paid to Michelle & Jeff's creation of their rings.  Enjoy!

As a wedding officiant who specializes in custom ceremonies I often ask the people I am working with about the logistics leading up to the wedding day.  Many couples are planning their weddings themselves and while they may have an on-site  coordinator, are often not unaware of how overwhelming last minute preparations can be.  Coordination of musicians and the officiant, coordination of amplification for the ceremony, flower location for the ceremony and then the reception, timing of the photographer and bus shuttles, gift basket delivery, marriage license and the list goes on.  While many site coordinators do a terrific job, the extent to which they are looking at all the details leading up to the day is limited.  Bernadette Smith of It's About Time Events talks about all the details that a day of wedding coordinator will handle for you in her Blog.   I have officiated at several weddings where the stress and tension of these details caused many a tear.  The day of your wedding should be joyous and as stress free as possible. If you are planning a wedding at a function hall, hotel, etc. I highly recommend considering a "day" of wedding coordinator to alleviate stress and worry and allow you to focus on enjoying your day!

As a wedding officiant, couples often ask me the meaning behind the rituals they see.  A few days ago I had a question about the custom of the bride wearing something old, new, borrowed and blue.  Was this something that this particular person needed to focus on?  I explained the meaning of this ritual and she suggested that it should be posted on my blog, so I share it with you.  If you are considering following this tradition, according to Barbara Biziou in her book "the Joys of Everyday Rituals" here is what you might like to know:  something "old" honors the connection to one's ancestors, something "new"" honors the beginning of your relationship with your betrothed, something "borrowed" is your desire for fertility (in olden times, it was borrowed from the most fertile person in the village) and wearing something blue is the connection to the Goddess.  If you actually do a search on the internet, you will find other explanations!   Please let me know if you have any questions about other rituals.
 

So the wedding is over, and everyone has gone home, the ceremony and day become a fading memory, what do you do now?  Continue as you have done before?  As a relationship coach who offers premarital and post marital guidance and facilitation, I encourage people to re-read the vows they have spoken.  Vows are conscious promises you make to one another, yet they can often get lost in the day-to-day hustle and bustle of our lives.  Taking them out and working with them in a conscious way offers you the possibility of keeping your relationship strong and vibrant.  Your vows can be the lived expression of your love and life together if you return to them often, asking yourself and each other; Are we living these vows? What is working in our relationship?  What is Missing that would make a difference?  What do we know now that we didn't know when we wrote them? Do we need to revisit  and restate the vows?  It is helpful to remember that this is not a time to blame for what might be wrong, but a time for remembering the reasons you are together.  Please share your thoughts or questions.

Recently I have spoken to several couples who were thinking about having a friend officiate at their wedding.  They were not sure if this was the best idea, so quite wisely, asked me if they could come in for a free consultation.  As a wedding officiant based in Massachusetts, I am always delighted to meet with people who are trying to make this decision. There are a few questions I ask, the first is why?  I get many answers to this from budget restrictions to wanting to have someone they know officiate so they can have something personal and special.  From this answer we begin an exploration of what a professional who is focused on customizing weddings can provide, versus the friend or family.   Carol of Intermezzo Players has written about what she has observed at the weddings where friends have officiated.  As she suggests, if you have someone who is use to public speaking, and can speak from their heart you have a possibility that this will work out for you.  However, there are other considerations you may want to think about.  Feel free to respond with questions you may be having, or your own experience.