Over the past few weeks, I have been focused on catching up on all those things that were put aside for my vacation.  I have been very busy "doing" all that needed to be done in order to meet deadlines.  I have had little time to just sit and "be" (I know that is a lesson in and of itself).  I was becoming aware of an exhaustion creeping into my life and kept pushing it away; my mantra these past 4 days has been "I will take time tomorrow".  So while I am beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel, "tomorrow" seems like weeks away!  It wasn't until I received a call today from a friend of mine that I was pulled out of my "doing" and into being present.  She had called to ask me to include a close relative of her's in my prayers, her relative had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was undergoing surgery tomorrow.  I got off the phone and sat for a few moments with this news.  Her call reminded me just how tentative our lives are, and how important it is to take time out to just "be".  How just 5 minutes of enjoying the connections we have and make with others, and/or enjoying the nature around us, renews and enlivens us.  So "tomorrow" is now today and I will take the next hour to simply appreciate all the blessings that are in my life!  Maybe you can join me....

As a relationship coach and wedding officiant, I often spend time with couples who hit snags as they approach their wedding day.  This is quite common as weddings, while an exciting time, also bring much stress.   Negotiating the wishes of families, friends, finances, and the couples own desires can be a tricky tightrope.  As well, the approaching commitment for life, can reveal hidden fears we did not know we had.  When a couple first begins to experience this, doubt can surface.  Thoughts can run the gamut of canceling the wedding or postponing it, to resolving what appears to be a riff between two people.  While often  "wedding planning" can bring this about, the truth is all couples will hit snags.

We bring all of who we are into a relationship; our history, our family of origin, our defenses as well as our longings,  hopes and dreams.  We project the good and the difficult onto our partners and then wonder why we may feel anxious and disappointed at times when our partners do not live up to our expectations.  When a couple first experiences this, I carefully inquire into each persons own history, beliefs, feelings and expectations.  I encourage both parties to look at themselves first, and not at their partners.  As we inquire into ourselves, we can begin to see patterns and defenses that we have used throughout our life to keep our souls safe.  These patterns and defenses were necessary as we negotiated our way from childhood to adulthood, but may no longer serve us.  In fact they may interfere with our capacity for intimacy. 

Relationships offer us a window into our own healing and souls journey.  To do this we must be courageous enough to actively explore and inquire into our experiences, looking at ourselves first. We can not change our partners, we can only accept responsibility for our own journey.  If we remain conscious and dedicated on this path, our own behavior changes because we begin to let go of defenses that no longer serve us.  This in turn changes the dynamics of the relationship.  As we become more open and vulnerable with our partners, as we respond with greater appreciation for the personal journey, our partners begin to shift how they respond to us.   When two embark upon this path together miracles occur! 

Over the past years, I have learned quite a bit about my personal drives and motivation in the relationship I have with my husband.  When we started our relationship over 10 years ago, I saw a person who I knew I could trust my heart with.  In the following years, as we grew and changed, some of what I thought was true about myself as well as him, was to be tested and challenged.  As we have gone through the good and the bad together, a lot of my original beliefs about what a healthy marriage "should" look like, and what my lovely husband "ought" to provide for my emotional health, as well as how I "should" take care of him in the role of wife, friend and lover, has shifted and changed.  Today, few of my original perspectives remain the same.  I know now, more than ever, that I can trust him with my heart, but our relationship has evolved, changed and  deepened in a way I would never have anticipated AND we are still a work in process.  All of which has caused me to become fascinated by other people's experience and learning's.  Today I invite you to be part of a newly launched project to help me explore how marriage and committed relationships change over time. On the initial phase of the project I am interested in your learning's and questions you might like to see explored.  You may participate by going to Sacred Spirit Sanctuary's Facebook Page. Thanks for joining the Relationship Project!

So the wedding is over, and everyone has gone home, the ceremony and day become a fading memory, what do you do now?  Continue as you have done before?  As a relationship coach who offers premarital and post marital guidance and facilitation, I encourage people to re-read the vows they have spoken.  Vows are conscious promises you make to one another, yet they can often get lost in the day-to-day hustle and bustle of our lives.  Taking them out and working with them in a conscious way offers you the possibility of keeping your relationship strong and vibrant.  Your vows can be the lived expression of your love and life together if you return to them often, asking yourself and each other; Are we living these vows? What is working in our relationship?  What is Missing that would make a difference?  What do we know now that we didn't know when we wrote them? Do we need to revisit  and restate the vows?  It is helpful to remember that this is not a time to blame for what might be wrong, but a time for remembering the reasons you are together.  Please share your thoughts or questions.

Yesterday was a most remarkable day.  It wasn't that I accomplished anything spectacular, nor did I contribute in any great measure to resolving global poverty or world hunger, rather yesterday was dedicated to the blessings that we give and receive when we connect to another from our hearts.

Throughout the day I was aware that from the smallest of interactions to the soulful conversations I was part of, the ability for me to remain openhearted made the day exceptional and complete. From the smiles and simple chit-chat with a parking attendant, who filled my heart with joy with his sincerity and kindness; to discussions of personal longings, confusions and hopes with friends and family, I could sense the immense richness of life, and the nurturance and love that is all around.

John O’Donohue in his book, “To Bless the Space Between Us” speaks about blessings as being “a gracious invocation where the human heart pleads with the divine heart.” I love these words as part of what blessings encompass, and believe that when we act from our own divine heart, we can not help but to silently bless each, answering the human longing for connection and belonging.

So maybe I did accomplish something great after all. By holding my heart open, I was able to be in sacred relationship and communion with others, giving and receiving the blessings of connection and belonging. In a world so troubled, offering this possibility to other’s and ourselves infuses the world, one person at a time, with a greater capacity to love and heal. May we all be blessed with openheartedness every day of our lives. Please share your day’s blessings.

As I was writing a wedding ceremony this morning, I was searching for the perfect words to express specific beliefs and feelings.  This process reminds me of how important words are in how we communicate to each other.  For instance, I was discussing with my husband the possibility of "dividing" financial responsibilities.  In our discussion he expressed a feeling of discomfort at the thought of dividing anything, he said that this implied to him a "separation" as a couple.  As I listened to him it occurred to me; had I used different words, had I asked him to consider how we might better support our relationship by clarifying our individual financial  responsibilities,  he may not have felt discomfort (which was indeed confirmed when I posed this to him!) Selecting the right words to express your thoughts and truth with another is more than a skill, it is an art, and I am growing as an artist every day!   Please share your own experiences... Peace and blessings