My friends have been leaving me messages over the past 3 days, wondering where I have been.  A quick answer: in a technology black hole that apparently did not want me to leave.  Kicking and screaming I decided to come into the 21st century. Yes, I did the ultimate, I went electronic on my calendar & got a data plan on my phone.  Which is when the black hole was created, because within 3 days of getting my new PDA, neither I, nor my special friend Stephen of Agency 3, could get this device to download e-mails.  After 6 hours on the phone with my cell service provider, it was determined that I should change phones and get a different type of phone.  Okay, so there I am with my brand new Blackberry and guess what?  The black hole got wider and wider. Today I am still not "synced" and have spent more hours than I care to admit away from being centered and grounded.  The final realization?  My moment of truth and learning?  I created this black hole.  Yes, all the technological challenges were present, but I became obsessed with trying to make it all work.  I needed to pace myself, not become so absorbed that everything else was excluded, but allow movement in and out of the situation.  Einstein is quoted as saying, "you cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it".  While I may not have created the initial challenge, I did create the problem of the black hole.  Today I stepped back, took several deep breaths (yes I had forgotten to breath too!) and allowed the reality in--it will work itself out, maybe not today, but eventually it will.  Until then?  I have a choice as to how I respond to it, I can be obsessed, or breath and allow it to unfold naturally.  Today I am breathing!   

There are many things we do automatically.  In my life, I have noticed that breathing is one of them.  Of course you might say, we all breath, we have to if we are to live.  Yet on days when I am busy, packing a lot into my waking hours, this is precisely the opportunity to pause and remember that breathing is in fact a gift.  You see, when I'm running around in my automatic mode, my breathing is shallow and only provides the minimum my mind, body and spirit need to efficiently get done what my mind (well actually my ego) "thinks" it needs to (an entirely different topic!).  When I remember to "come up for air" and pause, as I finally did today, I notice that every fiber of my being wants expansion, and I begin to breath deeply.  It is when I begin this process, connecting to my body's wisdom that I become quiet, centered and feel the ground beneath me.  My thinking slows, I begin to feel energy flowing, and I connect to the act of breathing itself,  moving into a meditative state.  In this way I begin to consciously connect to spirit.  I awaken a bit more to the essence of who, my creativity, my sacredness as a human being, and I notice more joy in the moment.  What an incredible gift!  How are you breathing today?

I have been wrestling recently with my personal history's hold over my life, and how each day I find myself living from it versus in the moment.  I am truly blessed to have a life that is filled with richness and possibility and yet, some days I find myself experiencing a mild depression or sadness.  An inquiry into my sadness yesterday, led me once again to the simple truth that I live from my history more than I would care to admit.  If my life were a movie in the making, then I would quite comfortably be the writer of the script, the casting director, the director, the actors...need I say more?  When one of the actors says or does something I don't like, or it doesn't fit into the way the script is written, I have basically two possibilities; react to it in a number of ways (becoming angry, sad, withdrawn) or rewrite the script!  What prevents me from rewriting the script?   Usually it is my automatic response, based upon my history and my minds interpretation of what it all means, that keeps me stuck.  If I am courageous enough to be "present to/go into/stay with" (in this case the sadness),  breathe into it...physically experience it...than 9 times out of 10, a new experience emerges.  Yesterday, I moved from sadness to a peacefulness and sense of strength. Ah relief!

That I might actually be able to rewrite the script by simply living and inquiring into the moment is the most profound possibility of all.  It means that each day I consciously choose this possibility, moving through any resistance that might appear, and it does appear!  While it may sound simple, personally I am aware of just how difficult this can be.  As always, please share your thoughts and experiences.

This weekend I had the pleasure of blessing and welcoming a baby into the lives of a family.  As an officiant this is always an honor and joyous ceremony for me.  When we participate in a baby blessing and welcoming ceremony we connect with the excitement of possibilities; who will they become?, who will they love?, what will their gifts & talents be?, how will they contribute to the world?  In holding an innocent child, consciously speaking about our commitment to love, support and honor their unique path, we begin to create a foundation from which they will  grow into their own personhood.  This foundation requires that we remain conscious on a daily basis that in every action, thought and deed, we reflect back to our child their innate goodness and value in the world.  It is an awe-inspiring responsibility and one that transforms us to our very core.  For in our commitment to serve our children with open and loving hearts, we must heal our own lives.  In this way our children become one of our greatest teachers and healers.  Your comments are always welcome.

This week has been quite a roller coaster ride for me.  As an officiant who honors and celebrates life, I am rarely surprised by the range of joy and sorrow that arises as we companion each other; as friend, lover, parent, colleague, daughter or son and yes even beloved pet, along life's path. This weekend, among the joy of officiating at a wedding, and a baby blessing, I was also confronted by the death of a young person, just 25, whom I was to marry within a few months, a colleague's lost struggle with cancer and the words of many who had been touched by her life and death, and a dear friend whose beloved pet is dying.  The intensity of these experiences, on the those celebrating, honoring and grieving touched me to my very core, and my reaction to this was a bit surprising.  Surprising because within a few days, I personally felt the great heights of joy and great grieving for the unanswerable why's in life.  In staying with all my emotions, I became aware that I needed to find an anchor that would allow me to experience all that was arising.   I landed on the infinity symbol. This symbol reminds me of the unending nature of existence, the natural ebb and flow of life, and that if I can return to a still point within (the center of the infinity), I am able to fully experience the sweetness and grief while breathing into each moment.  Realizing that I gravitated toward an anchor, I became curious, what are the anchors people use to maintain balance, and live life to the fullest?  Please share your thoughts.

The past 2 weeks I have been struggling with a cold.  While I was able to do minimal things, my energy was sapped and my brain was foggy.  What I recall most about these last few weeks was not that I was happy to rest, or that I had shut down because my body is wise and knows what it needs. Rather, I was upset with myself for not getting more work done.  I was in fact quite lax in writing blog posts, or meeting my own deadline for creating ceremonies or workshops. My judge and critic was so active, I realize that I expended more energy berating myself than simply listening to my own inner wisdom that I needed rest.  In hindsight I can laugh, but the reality is I have spent years quieting my own inner critic, only to discover how subtle she can be.  My challenge is to not let her in the front door, and if she does make it in to say, "Can I please show you the exit?"   Your experience and insights are helpful and welcome!

Saturday I was in the presence of his Holiness, The Dalai Lama.  I had been anticipating this moment for several weeks and thinking how I might be transformed and even possibly gain a large leap towards enlightenment.  So here I was, tingling on the inside, hoping for new insight and knowledge to take out into the world, and be a different and more enlightened being.  Rational or not, it was where my mind went.

Upon leaving the morning session my husband turned to me and asked how I felt, and with a pause I replied; "You know, I feel the same, I had no new revelations or insights, I don't feel the tiniest bit more on the road to enlightenment than before."   Then all of a sudden, without any effort, a big belly laugh emerged and I realized how absurd my expectations even were. 
It was in letting go of my expectations that I experienced what many of my teachers have spoken about; the pure laughter and joy that life can offer even when you are unable to receive that which you hope for. 

Naturally it begs the question; where else or what else am I holding onto?  What is my expectation of the process of enlightenment itself?  Please share what your thoughts and learning's.

Yesterday was a most remarkable day.  It wasn't that I accomplished anything spectacular, nor did I contribute in any great measure to resolving global poverty or world hunger, rather yesterday was dedicated to the blessings that we give and receive when we connect to another from our hearts.

Throughout the day I was aware that from the smallest of interactions to the soulful conversations I was part of, the ability for me to remain openhearted made the day exceptional and complete. From the smiles and simple chit-chat with a parking attendant, who filled my heart with joy with his sincerity and kindness; to discussions of personal longings, confusions and hopes with friends and family, I could sense the immense richness of life, and the nurturance and love that is all around.

John O’Donohue in his book, “To Bless the Space Between Us” speaks about blessings as being “a gracious invocation where the human heart pleads with the divine heart.” I love these words as part of what blessings encompass, and believe that when we act from our own divine heart, we can not help but to silently bless each, answering the human longing for connection and belonging.

So maybe I did accomplish something great after all. By holding my heart open, I was able to be in sacred relationship and communion with others, giving and receiving the blessings of connection and belonging. In a world so troubled, offering this possibility to other’s and ourselves infuses the world, one person at a time, with a greater capacity to love and heal. May we all be blessed with openheartedness every day of our lives. Please share your day’s blessings.

Last week I launched my new website including this blog.  I became a Facebook, Linked-in and Twitter member.  All of which required me to spend hours getting "up and running" (which I am still in the process of!), and to move into the age of technology at a speed that my soul has not yet learned to assimilate.   In today's world, the pace of our communications and the ability to reach out and touch so many people is wondrous, but I am also aware that I need space and time to honor and care for my soul.  The capacity to be "plugged" in and amped up 24-7 is more real now than it was seven days ago.  Already I can feel myself moving faster than I am accustom to, at the cost of my "silent" or "down" times.   So I begin my personal inquiry.  How can I can incorporate the marvels of social networking and technology without abandoning the care of my soul?  How might I use technology as a tool, without technology taking over my life...it is so tempting after all!?  Every positive holds within it's very nature the negative reflection which is so well depicted in the Taoist symbol of Yin -Yang...a balancing & nesting of opposites.  My job on this journey is to remain conscious of how to stay in balance and be supported as I continue my inquiry and growth. I welcome your learning's and comments.