As a wedding officiant and life celebrant, I discuss small details and logistics that can often disrupt a perfectly lovely ceremony.  My largest pet-peeve is cells phones and electronic devices that ring or vibrate (yes vibrations are heard!) during a ceremony.  I highly recommend to people that prior to the beginning of a service or ceremony, an announcement is made reminding people to turn off these devices. In my initial drafts of wedding ceremonies, baby blessings and memorial services, people can see how this is tastefully handled.  I do on occasion have people who are adamant about not wanting to make such an announcement, and so we do not. Inevitably, in these cases a device rings or vibrates at the most inopportune time, which was the case with wedding I officiated at this weekend, right before the vows, a cell phone rang, or should I say"played" a tune.   Previously we had discussed this announcement at length.  They assured me that no-one in their family would consider having a phone on. 

In the world we live in, cell phones and electronic devices have become second nature to us, like our arms or legs, we don't think about them.  It is never intentional that these are left on, but it is human nature, and while it disrupts the ceremony it also leaves the person who "forgot" embarrassed.  Ask your officiant or celebrant to make a tasteful announcement, and if you believe that your friends and family are different and don't need a reminder, you may wish to reconsider your logic.  Your insights are always welcome!

Outside of the couple getting married, there are two people who are essential in setting the tone for your wedding.  They are the DJ or Band and the Officiant.  Often, people book their DJ and Band quickly, but may not begin to search for their officiant until 6-8 months before the ceremony.  The officiant you select not only establishes the tone for the entire day, but helps you celebrate the uniqueness of who you are as individuals and as a couple.  Finding the right person is more than making a call to see if the date is available and asking what their fee is.  If you want a personalized and meaningful ceremony, you need to ensure that the person your select will work with you, honoring your beliefs and offering the flexibility you seek in designing your ceremony.  There are many questions to explore with the officiant, and ultimately you want to make sure there is a connection between the three of you that will add to the ceremony itself.  A good starting place as you begin this process is my article  Selecting a Wedding Officiant.    You may want to consider starting early, many of us, who create customized ceremonies, and establish strong relationships with our couples are booking well into 2010, and sometimes 2011.   Let me know any tips you may have!

As a wedding officiant I attend many rehearsals and help all those involved in the wedding ceremony become comfortable with the processional, recessional and any mid ceremony participation.  Often when I speak to the parents, they are anticipating that they will sit on the side that their child is standing on.  While traditionally this is standard practice, I often recommend the opposite; that parents consider sitting opposite from their child.  This works out well as the couples I marry face each other, and as such, their parents would be looking at the back of their heads, not their face unless they switched where they sat!  So speak to your officiant, see how they will be positioning the couple and then request a different seating arrangement.  I have had several parents thank-me for this tip!

Want to have fun invitations that will have your guests smiling a year from now and have a positive impact on the environment?  Try using recycled paper that has flower seeds embedded into it.  Robin & Kenny, a couple I married last year, did precisely this.  Their invitations were both beautiful, environmentally friendly and had the lasting impact of reminding people a year later, when the flowers from the seeds bloomed, of their fun wedding day!  Greenfield Paper is the resource they used, and there are others listed if you do a google search.   Let me know what you discover!

Saturday I had the pleasure of officiating at Greg & Marta's wedding.  As a Wedding Officiant, I travel to many venues and interact with the staff on site. Greg & Marta's wedding was held at The Barn at Gibbet Hill in Groton, Massachusetts. This was my first time at this venue, and I must say it made it to the top of my list!  Picturesque, and impeccably designed to maintain it's historic structure while offering simple but elegant surroundings, you couldn't ask for a more lovely location to have that "New England" feel.

When I work with venue site staff, my experience varies from extremely open in allowing the couple to think through what they want, to an attitude of "this is how we do it here".  At Gibbet Hill, the site staff was highly organized, friendly and attentive without being intrusive.  They offered their wisdom and choices to Marta & Greg at the rehearsal, and throughout their process.  While I did not have the pleasure of sampling the food, my husband and I will be going back to the Grill and enjoying a wonderful meal in August!  Check this venue out for any celebration or honoring you are thinking about, and let me know about your experience!

As a Celebrant, I encourage people to use music to help establish a mood and set an overall tone for any celebration or life tribute they are planning. The right choice of music can open people's heart and help them be present to the moment. Often I get asked, where do I begin?  To start, what is the overall tone you wish to set? Is it intimate? fun? serious? joyous?  You may even find that you want to start out with one mood and end with a different one.  Once you have a clear sense of this, think about all your favorite music.  If you are planning a tribute or remembrance, think about the person you are honoring, did they have favorite music?  If not start listening.  The web is a great source of possibilities.  Visit musicians websites, they usually have great samplers!  If you google "ceremony musicians" you will have a wonderful selection to choose from. Or you can always begin by visiting my dear friend Carol's site.

One consideration for you:  if you are not using live music, you will want to think about people's ability to sit through songs or music when there is no other activity going on.  For instance, it might be perfect in a memorial service to play a recorded cello piece during a moment of reflection or honoring.  Playing a recorded song that is 3 minutes long in a Wedding Ceremony, (unless people get up and dance!) probably will have some people squirming.  While 3 minutes may not seem long, it really is for your guests!  The important part of this is to have fun and enjoy the selecting process.  If you are working with a DJ, or musician friends they will also be able to help a great deal.  

This is the time of year as a wedding officiant and celebrant, I begin sitting with people who are planning their weddings for next year.   While some couples I speak to have hired some of their vendors, I find that many have not yet located the right photographer, DJ, or Day of Wedding Coordinator.  In these cases, I offer personal referrals to professionals I have worked with that I believe are tops in their field.  My criteria is their professionalism, their ability to listen to the individual needs of my couples, their ability to proactively work with other vendors, and their knowledge of what it takes, down to the smallest detail, of making sure the ceremony and wedding celebration is smooth and seamless.  Referrals from someone you trust is a good way to ensure that you are getting the right person for your special day.  If your officiant does not have referrals that they would for their own day, if they don't "rave" about whose card or name they are giving you, keep looking.  The preliminary leg work will pay off on your big day!

As a wedding officiant and celebrant I often have couples who wish to have a private and meaningful wedding ceremony ask me to work with them to create their their special day.  Sometimes they bring 2 or 3 people, but often it is just the couple. Tuesday, I had the privilege of marrying Victoria & Va'Shawn, who traveled from Texas to become legally married in our Commonwealth.  With all the rain we have had, I was concerned we would need to move the ceremony inside, but timing was perfect, we had moments of sun and clear sky for their ceremony.  The ceremony was held in my garden alcove, and was custom designed and written for them as they combined their lives as friends, partners, co-parents and spouses for life. 
Congratulations Victoria & Va'Shawn!
(photo courtesy of Shooting Star Photography)

As a wedding officiant and celebrant, I travel across
Massachusetts and New England to various wedding sites.  I have my favorites to be sure, but now at the top of my list is the lovely Tower Hill Botanical Garden in Boylston, Massachusetts, where I had the privilege of co-creating and officiating at the wedding of Cyrus and Sara on June 13.  Their wedding was held in this lovely "Secret Garden", with a cocktail hour held on the terrace off the "Great Hall" followed by dinner in the "Orangie".  The setting, customer service and the overall "feel" of this day was incredible!  If you are considering a venue for any celebration, don't miss visiting Tower Hill Botanical Gardens, open year round.  Pictures of the actual ceremony will be coming soon so check back. 

As a Wedding Officiant and Celebrant who customizes ceremonies, I am always learning from my couples about the small ways that meaning can be brought to the ceremony.  I have the honor of officiating at the upcoming wedding of Michelle and Jeff.  When we first sat down and spoke, they told me they were making their wedding rings.  Normally when people say this to me I find that they are designing them, and have an artisan who crafts them.  Michelle and Jeff however are not only designing them, but physically making their own!  A wedding ring is a token and reminder on the hands that you work, play and caress with, of the vows you speak and commitment to companion each other in this life.  The act of crafting each others rings brings special meaning to the rings,the exchange of rings, and honoring your marriage as you continue to grow in your life together.  If you are interested check out The Wedding Ring Workshop.  They are located in several countries and have local venues.  I so look forward to creating a special ceremony with particular attention paid to Michelle & Jeff's creation of their rings.  Enjoy!