Jill and Matt were married at Pleasant Valley Country Club in Sutton on a lovely sunny day in June.  When we first spoke about their ceremony, we discussed incorporating their religious heritages in a way that honored their personal beliefs and values.  They did not want anything elaborate but they did want something unique to them. 

Over the months leading up to the wedding, we co-created a simple, eloquent and fun loving ceremony... beginning with sharing of wine and acknowledgment of the importance of their community and culminating with "the breaking of the glass".  Their ceremony, which was approximately twenty minutes, honored the discovery of each other, how their lives had forever changed, and their vision for their life together.   There were tears of joy, laughter and much celebration in a simple and eloquent style. 

Congratulations Jill & Matt and thank-you for the honor of being such an important part of your special day!

As a wedding officiant who focuses on meaningful and customized wedding ceremonies, I spend a great deal of time writing reflections for couples.  This is not necessarily a quick process.  Often I need to be still to uncover the words or metaphors that will capture what I sense about two people and their relationship.  It is in these moments of silence that a new "phrase" or concept will emerge that I have not explored before.  This happened during the last few weeks and I have been exploring it ever since! The metaphor that came through me was: "Artisan's of Relationship".  This felt quite powerful, for Artisans are "workers" who have a passion for their art...whether it be writing, weaving, painting, carpentry, engineering, etc.  They apprentice, study, and acquire great skill at their craft as they learn to be masters, and in the process create works that support, enhance, enrich and nourish our lives.  For those of us who have become artisans of our relationships, this is our sacred journey in life...to work, study and perfect our craft.  It is an ever unfolding journey that heals our lives.   The next inquiry for me: How do I live as an Artisan, and in what ways do I abandon my craft?  Please share your thoughts!

A few months ago I have the pleasure of creating and officiating at Denise & Brian's wedding ceremony at Harrington Farms in Princeton, Mass.  It was an early day in April, and we were all prepared for the likelihood of an indoor wedding.  As the day approached, the days became unseasonably warm and clear, leading up, which was moved outdoors, was created to be light-hearted and meaningful.  It began in laughter when Denise and her parents walked the wrong way and needed to re-enter using the aisle. Any nervousness faded away in this moment as we all experienced the joy that laughter brings. 

It continued with a welcoming and an acknowledgment of their family and friends and delightful readings filled with joy and reflective of Denise and Brian relationship.  During my reflections, I was speaking about how much lighter and happier their lives were because of each other and a huge tree limb came crashing down behind us.  The mood was such that everyone laughed, as I ad-libbed and included the event into my reflections.     Denise, Brian and their family and friends began the ceremony with laughter and joyful hearts which stayed with everyone throughout the ceremony and the day.  Congratulations Denise & Brian, I loved being part of this extraordinary day!  (Photo courtesy of Geneve Hoffman Photography)

Emily Dickinson once wrote,

"If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain."

As I came upon this the other day, I was reminded that in a world so troubled, the smallest kindness can make such a profound difference.  Sometimes we forget that we can have an impact in a troubled world, but as Emily Dickinson so eloquently wrote, offering comfort and help to one person or living thing gives our life meaning and helps to heal the world. 

Peace and Blessings and may you pass a kindness or offer comfort onto another this week.

Brian & Jess were married in April at the Warren Conference Center in Ashland, MA.  As their wedding officiant I was honored to work with them as we created a simple, fun and intimate ceremony that truly reflected who they were as a couple.  Both Jess and Brian love to laugh, and their ceremony, while serious when appropriate, was also filled with joy and warm-hearted smiles from all.  Congratulations Brian and Jess and thank-you for selecting me for such an important moment!
Photo courtesy of Steve Kimball Photography

So you are about to look for an officiant who will truly customize your ceremony.  You have your list of questions you are going to ask, and a list of several possible officiants to work with.  The real question is...how will you know if the person you work with will really customize your ceremony and will pay attention to the small details that ensure your ceremony runs smoothly?

While all the questions you may have written down give you answers, and you will have a "gut" feel, my recommendation as an officiant who works throughout Boston and Massachusetts and hears many many stories is...do your homework. 

Ask the person you are considering using if you can speak to a few couples they have worked with.  Ask those couples what they liked and what they would change about the process.  Did they feel that their ceremony was unique, meaningful and special.  Ask them if they had fun with their officiant in the process.   If your perspective officiant is not comfortable with providing real referrals other than the testimonials on their site, this might be a red flag. 

If in your initial meetings with an officiant, he/she does not discuss how they may work with other vendors...make sure you ask.  A good question might be...Do you, ahead of time, provide a ceremony outline to the musician, photographer, videographer, on-site coordinator and any other professionals you may be working with.  If the answer is not normally, it is a strong hint that the small details may be missed.  When checking with other couples verify that this actually was done for them.

The person you select to create a unique and meaningful wedding ceremony is one of the most important decisions you will make for your wedding day...do your homework and make sure the person you find to work with is the perfect choice for you.

 

I came across this quote this morning; I paused, closed my eyes, took a deep breath in and allowed the words to seep into my being...when I opened my eyes a few moments later, I realized I felt softer and lighter.  I am not sure what it was I let go of in that moment, but ever since I have been smiling and feeling as if life is easier.  In this, I am celebrating the very life, that while fragile, is also wonderful and blessed.  So I share it with you and offer up the possibility to be grateful and celebrate this moment and day!

As a wedding officiant who creates original and meaningful wedding ceremonies, part of my process is to send out an initial draft to the couples I work.  Usually this occurs about two months prior to the wedding date.   How many times I have heard...I am so glad this arrived when it did, it reminded us why we were doing this and what was really important! 

It is quite easy in the months and days leading up to your wedding to get caught up in the details and decisions about all sorts of things from transportation, accommodations, flowers, cakes, seating charts, and the list goes on...often pushing into the background what this day is really about. 

Your wedding day is a celebration and honoring of your love and willingness to enter into a commitment with your life partner.  Keeping the importance of this in the forefront of your mind will help you let go of any angst one might feel as the clock keeps ticking.

Enjoy the planning, enjoy all the little details, and if you find yourself a bit stressed, take a breath and remember...no-one will ultimately remember the color of your chair seats, or if the dresses match the napkins (in fact, many won't even notice that they do!).  While these details may be important to you, what people remember most is the ceremony and the fun of sharing this special time with you. 

One more hint...if you can fit it into your budget, hire a day of wedding coordinator!

My good friend Deb came across this cartoon while she was on her spiritual thirst for knowledge.  Deb and I are soul sisters and we are both quite serious about self discovery, healing, our spiritual paths and serving others. 

We share this commitment with many people.  At the heart of all of us is a desire to heal, be whole and help others.  This cartoon is a terrific reminder that we can also approach life with too much seriousness, loosing track of the the capacity to bring lightness into our lives. 

So I include it today with a gentle reminder to us all to "lighten-up" as life will unfold organically and naturally if we can let go of the "doing" and "needing to get somewhere" and engage in the "being".

Thanks Deb for this terrific reminder.  For anyone interested in Deb's writings or work as a healer, visit her site

Brooke & Domenic were married in Boston, in a ceremony that was simple, elegant, and fun-loving.  I had the privilege of working with them in creating a marriage vision, and in the process we developed a deep friendship and connection.

The wedding ceremony we created together incorporated their personal beliefs, goals and collective hopes and dreams.  It opened with an original blessing written for them, weaving their vision throughout the blessing and the cermeony.  Both their Dad's shared their wisdom on relationships and marriage, and there was joyful laughter and tears throughout.  Their ceremony concluded with a lovely water ritual. 

Congratulations Broke and Domenic, I look forward to  many years of being part of your lives!