As my husband and I share a spiritual journey in the ongoing unfolding of our relationship, we have created a daily practice which allows us to commit each day anew to keeping our relationship front and center in our lives. 

We have been speaking our post wedding vow to each other for almost 30 days.  It has been sweet, meaningful and has kept us focused on what is important.  Today however,  I noticed a longing to add another moment of conscious and loving connection in our days. 

Speaking with Jamie over the phone today, I asked him what he thought about adding another practice into our day.  I could almost hear the smile across the phone line (he has been in NY for the last few days).  After he said absolutely, we tossed a few things around.  We decided that if we were to close the day with a simple statement of gratitude and love, then we would be able to awaken and rest in our relationship. 

Our statement goes something like this: "Thank-you for loving me and committing to our growth today. "
Whether these are the actual words we will speak, or they will get changed over the course of time, I do not know.  What I count on is that there are now at least two times per day when there is conscious and loving intention focused on "us".    Thank-you Jamie for being willing to nurture my heart!

Hilary and Jeremy were married at the Westin Hotel in Copley Square, Boston.  They came to the east coast for an extended weekend in September to meet and select vendors and find their officiant.  Their main concern was locating someone they connected with and would be comfortable co-creating their ceremony while they were on the West Coast.  I was so happy when we met because  there was a natural connection between us that was warm and familiar.  In our first and only face-to-face meeting, we discussed many elements that would effect their ceremony; their hopes, dreams, how they met, what marriage meant for them, possibilities of incorporating both Slovakian and Jewish wedding traditions, aspects of their relationship that they wished to honor and celebrate, and who would be actively involved in the ceremony.

Over the next few months, with the use of e-mail, and phones, we continued to get to know each other while creating a ceremony that was intimate, personal and unique to them.  While ultimately we decided against using a Slovakian Wreath Crowning Ceremony, it was fun to play with it as a possibility.  Hilary & Jeremy's wedding ceremony took place under a lovely Chuppah and we incorporated the reading and signing of an Interfaith Ketubah.  The readings that were selected focused on the nature of friendship & love and the mystical heart.    Their ceremony was marked with laughter and tears of joy.  Today, their friends and family are still speaking about how wonderful and meaningful it was.   

While it may be nice to meet in person, it is indeed possible to create a meaningful and personalized ceremony working bi-coastally!
(photo courtesy of Maureen Edwards Photography)

Relationship and marriage is a spiritual and on-going process.  Each day offers us the possibility to remain mindful of our original intentions, vows and what we hope to create with each other.  There are good times and difficult times.  Times when we feel connected and other times when we feel alone.  Over time, what we have committed and promised to our partner and/or spouse can gently fall into the background.  In the difficult times we tend to see what is wrong, in the good times we do not question.  Yet relationships and/or marriage, like a garden, need nourishment and attention if they are to remain vibrant and healthy. 

During a difficult time this past year, my husband and I decided that we were focusing too much on what was "wrong" and not enough on what was good and right between us.  We were saying words and engaging in actions that inadvertently caused pain and cultivated distance.  We had lost touch with the truth of our hearts and our desire to be good to each other.  While we loved each other, we were slipping into an unconscious state of mind and automatic responses, which while protective did not serve our relationship and marriage.  After much discussion, we decided to begin a daily practice that would help us remember the importance of our relationship. 

Now each morning when we get up, before my husband leaves for work, we speak a vow to each other.  It is simple and straight forward:

        "Today I will love you, honor you and our relationship and I will do my best not to hurt you."  

Simple yes...but the impact has been profound. For in speaking these simple words, we begin our day consciously nurturing our relationship and heart.  This post-wedding vow, allows us to fulfill upon the original vows and commitments we spoke on our wedding day.   When we get angry or fall back into an unconscious behavior, it does not last long, because the very next day we are speaking our vow again.   So in the New Year, see if this practice will make a difference in your relationship(s) and/or marriage and let me know what you find!

Melissa & Jamie were married this summer in an intimate and meaningful ceremony at the Lyman Estate in Waltham, MA.  What I remember most about their ceremony is the warmth and laughter that we all experienced as we honored and celebrated their love, relationship, and their family and friends.   Melissa and Jamie carefully thought through each detail of their ceremony.  We spoke about the tone for the day, the music and the significance of the processional itself.  When we began to explore potential rituals to include,  a sand ceremony was selected because it could be carefully crafted as a special way of honoring their parents and the family legacies that are part of their combined lives.

Melissa and Jamie returned from their honeymoon and quickly packed-up their home and moved to the west coast.  I know that their life will continue to be filled with laughter, great love and the blessings of a warm and loving family. 

As a special mention, When I looked through all the pictures of the ceremony, I was amazed at just how many wonderful moments del sol Photography captured!  Posed shots all looked natural, and the candid's were lovely. I highly recommend them!

 

This past week I have been lying low - limiting my contact with people, technology and work - a "mini-retreat". While not a traditional "retreat" that I have done in the past-filled with meditation, walking, and silence; this week I have been honoring what the stillness of each day has brought into my consciousness.  I have not attempted to "try" to be conscious each moment; for me that would be a useless and unattainable aspiration.   Rather I have allowed myself the privilege of not needing to accomplish or do anything!  In allowing this, grace has flowed into my life.  I have connected to a different capacity to listen to the quiet messages that my body, mind and spirit have spoken.   I have noticed resistance, longing, excitement, sadness, joy, tiredness, stagnation, desire and the tug of my ego to revert to my automatic responses as life unfolds.   I have had time to reflect on the past year, and time to think about next year.  I have acknowledged my successes and noted my disappointments, I have reflected on how I have served others, and have I have missed the mark in relationships and interactions.  All of which has led me to a list of resolutions I could commit to in the upcoming year. 

In the stillness of the morning, sitting and watching the fire, with my hot cup of coffee and my cats curled up beside me, I began to think about my list and chuckled a bit, which led to a big belly laugh.  You see, the list I had created, while "doable" in small parts, combined together would be a reflection of "the perfect person" in my minds eye.   It was a recipe for disaster of body, mind and spirit.  It offered no possibility for compassion, human frailty or error.  So I put it into the fire and watching it burn came up with one simple New Years resolution:

I will try to live each day being "the best version of myself"; forgiving myself and others, and asking others for forgiveness, when human imperfections and frailties lead to pain and suffering.  

I wish you all a warm, safe and loving New Year.

Today, as I was preparing to enter into my holiday retreat, my friend Steve reminded me of the gifts of friendship and blessing when he sent me a link to one that John O'Donohue wrote.  John O'Donohue was an Irish poet and philosopher who died last year at the young age of 53.  He inspired those who read him to honor the mystery and beauty in life.   In memory and tribute to his passion, insight and many contributions to our world,  I offer his "Beannacht" to all of us on this holiday season.    May you all enjoy this season, and for those who might be alone,  know that many of us carry you in our hearts and prayers.   Thank-you Steve for sending this to me today!

Today is the Winter Solstice, the darkest day of the year, and yet a day replete with hope as we prepare for and welcome the increase of light into our hearts and souls.  Today is the Winter Solstice, the darkest day of the year, and yet a day replete with hope as we prepare for and welcome the increase of light into our hearts and souls.  Winter Solstice has been celebrated across cultures for thousands of years.  It is the start of the solar year and a celebration that honors dark, light and rebirth.

While darkness and the winter may offer us our own challenges, it is also a time for rest, reflection and renewal; for blazing fires and hot cocoa; a time to journey inside and begin the process of letting go.  Letting go of  that which no longer serves us,  the grievances with others, and to set intentions for what we would like to bring into our lives.                           
                                                           
You have the possibility to bring attention to this moment and time, by asking yourself:

What are the gifts of this year?
What is it I wish to carry forward into next year?                                                             
How have I made a difference in the life of another?
How do I honor the gifts and differences that others have made and given to me?
Is there something I need to let go of? A grievance I need to release?
Is there something new I wish to create in the upcoming year?

You can make this more deliberate and inclusive by starting your own Winter Solstice tradition - invite family and/or friends to join you in answering the questions, honoring the gifts received and setting intentions for the new year.  Use candles, sparkling cider (and/or wine), and anything sweet to help you celebrate.

Out of darkness comes light.  Each day now becomes a bit longer and brighter.  It is a gradual awakening into spring, so enjoy the days of reflection, quiet and family.  May we all be blessed with wisdom, compassion and grace.            (photo courtesy of my dear friend Bettina)

As this is the last post for this series, I thought I would reserve it for a general discussion of what it takes to live an extraordinary life.  The word itself has several definitions, the first being “beyond what is ordinary or usual”.  But as I dug a bit deeper, I came to the perfect nugget of gold…another aha moment – Webster’s use of the word “nonrecurring”. 

The simple fact is-nothing is ever the same.  We are not robots or machines.  Every moment-every day offers us new possibilities, new sorrows or joys, and a palate of colors and richness we only need to choose from.  When we wake each day we have a choice to live automatically or intentionally/mindfully.  We can choose to experience each moment with the curiosity and excitement of a child, or what Buddhism refers to as “beginners mind”, or we can approach our day as if it were just another day. 

Approaching our lives and days as if it were just another day, or a “work” day, or a “weekend” day plants a psychological seed of “recurring” days. When we choose another way, when we ask; how can I be more present and aware? How might I see this day differently?  How can I approach what feels like a routine with a beginners mind?  Then we have the possibility, as I discussed in Story 4, of infusing the minutes, hours and days with passion, excitement, learning and curiosity.  In this way there are no “ordinary” moments because we live a non-recurring experience and a realized extraordinary life.

Ari and Rich were married in a lovely and intimate backyard ceremony.    The day was meticulously planned with specific music selections, food, flowers and the perfect setting for the ceremony itself.  Ari and Rich, who have a strong affinity for the Taoist philosophy, used stones to create a beautiful Yin-Yang symbol.  They stood in the middle of this symbol as they  exchanged vows.

The symbol represents different and distinct aspects of a whole...the dark and the light...the right and left...positive and negative energies, etc.  They are indeed two halves of the same circle or entity, and one does not exist without the other.  They are nestled together as a perfect compliment to their opposite half, and therefore it was a perfect reflection of Ari & Rich's relationship and story. 

The ceremony included one of my favorite readings , "Commitment Reading of the Pueblo Indian".  It begins, "Before we met you and I were halves unjoined except in the wide rivers of our mind...."

Ari and Rich met, and are now forever joined in body, mind and spirit.  My blessings are forever with you and I look forward to being a part of your ongoing celebrations and lives.

Grace is a woman whose life has taken many twists and turns.  I once told her that to hear her life story, one would believe she was really talking about several people or lifetimes.  From a very early age, Grace would face challenges and obstacles to living (what she refers to as) a "regular" or carefree life.  Specifically, she learned how to survive and compensate for learning disabilities,  in spite of being told she was not smart enough to go to college.  (She would go on to earn a BS degree with a 3.8 GPA and later on a graduate degree). 

Grace followed her dreams and was not afraid to move out of her comfort zone.   She pursued several careers, both in traditional and non-traditional roles, often being told:  "oh you won't be able to do x, y or z...".  Grace never listened, she just never believed that a "no" was the truth. 

As I have witnessed her life over many years, I have been consistently amazed that with each turn, she dares to say "yes".  She somehow always finds the courage to try new things on behalf of opening her heart to live more fully.  Whatever challenges she faces, ultimately she does so with the belief that there is always a gift to be received and/or given, even when there is pain and suffering. 

Grace has the extraordinary capacity to live life to the fullest, whatever it may bring.  She may experience a depression, or doubt in the darkest hours, but  she rallies and comes back ready to see a new possibility. 

The lotus flower is a favorite of hers because there is such magnificence in it's simplicity, and yet it's roots are buried in mud.  Grace claims that this is an analogy for her life;  it may get thick, muddy and murky, but there is a beautiful flower waiting to blossom as long as she believes in herself, understands that the mud in her life is a nurturing gift, and she continues to live from her heart.    Grace...I think this is the perfect name for her!